The Doldrums

It is nice to think that we are tuned-in and operating at 100% all the time. I don't really think that every truly happens. Right now I'm sitting in the doldrums.

"Calico" Jack Rackham, expertly played by Toby Schmitz, contemplates piratey things.

The Doldrums, you say? Well there is a great episode of Black Sails that covers this, but I'll give you a shorthand definition. Out in the ocean(s), basically right around the equator, there is a stretch of water that sometimes is very stormy, but sometimes... it is so calm that there isn't enough wind to sail. You can get stuck out there for weeks. No motive force. It can be deadly.

I've got some big dates coming up. The Next Fest build is due in about two weeks. The build I have right now is in pretty good shape. There's still stuff to improve on and, in some cases, add. Still, if I had to release the current build I'd be fine with it. I definitely do not want to add any additional features that then lead to more support work. Shortly after Next Fest I think the game will go up in Early Access. Lots to do for that, but that is 6ish weeks away.

There's not a lot of wind in my sails right now, and I'm pretty sure that is ok. Only "pretty sure" though.

You see, there is a tendency in game development to treat every day that you have a deadline in sight as mission critical, perpetually. I'm not sure that mindset is all that healthy. In fact, I'm "pretty sure" that it is unhealthy. Actually, I'm certain of it.

Now we are all adults here and we can choose to burn the candle at both ends when we like. There are absolutely times when it makes sense. What I have found over the years is that we often stop asking the why. There is always a next big deadline, that is for certain. If there always is a next big deadline though, which moments matter most between them? It is easiest to attribute the last couple weeks with an anointed status. Folks are running around with bug lists that have been prioritized for Christ's sake!!! I worry, though, that we work ourselves into a self-fulfilling prophesy with the rituals we repeat around deadlines.

The absence of people freaking out around me (me included) is palpable. It feels weird. It feels irresponsible. And yet, I have seen the summoning of woe happen so many times over so many projects that i have to admit that some of those woe sessions were more born of habit than a frank look at the reality of the situation.

I'll state again just so that it is crystal clear: sometimes you really should freak when looking down the barrel of a deadline. Sometimes the game literally depends on it. A lot of times whoever has a financial interest in the game is flogging the person in charge and the flogging rolls down the hill. That stuff is real.

But... this cycle, when it happens due to habit, or even just happens with regularity, belittles all of the work it took, long before the deadline, to even hope to get within striking distance. It trains some developers to "mail it in" a bit when things are a little more quiet. It devalues the folks that are the consistent bedrock of development, day in and day out, and favors those who give big speeches when the alleged chips are down (full disclosure: I have profited from this for sure.). It trains and rewards procrastination, or at the very least, places a heck of a lot of emphasis on the last week of the season rather than the season as a whole (and pre-season).

The truth is... gah, I hate that phrase. Better: I have an opinion. There's a heck of a lot of games that should never crunch because they aren't really in striking distance of completion anyhow. There's a heck of a lot of games that set a vision that would require twice as much payroll to complete as what is available, but they give it a go anyhow. There's a heck of a lot of games that find their beginnings in a pure moonshot pitch and nothing more... at least in the sense that we use the term moonshot these days.

Now before you come after me and say that I'm against ambition, please think about the term moonshot and how we throw it around to describe ideas or projects. I am terminally ambitious. Going to the moon is ambitious. But we use moonshot to describe something "so crazy it just might work".

You know what is interesting about landing on the moon? All the boring stuff that happened off camera. A moonshot is a protracted, curated, consistent effort with a defined goal. It is exciting and requires a ton of innovation. It cannot be completed last minute though. You have to solve a million things, in a bizarre order, to get to the point where a rocket is on a launchpad and you think the human inside might just make it. Mission control is not development. Sure, sometimes things can get spicy and some really smart people have to science their way through things for a successful launch, but the best mission controls are somber and nothing happens to raise eyebrows. You cannot rush into mission control during the 10... 9... 8... and yell "I've figured out which fuel to use!" and expect everyone else to cheer.

Innovate. Be ambitious. Really, do it. But do not overlook that a measured, sober, maybe even boring-to-watch approach might be the way to get things done.

The doldrums, though? I'm hoping that what I'm feeling is actually an authentic, metaphorical look at a mission control where the lights are mostly green and I'm on time. There is not a lot of excitement to go around, but maybe there shouldn't be.

I'm hoping that all the effort put in up to this point far eclipses (moon tie-in, nice) what could possibly be done in the 11th hour. I sincerely hope that the weirdness I feel with not scrambling around like a maniac is more an effect of scoping properly and having achievable goals. I'm pretty sure though, even if things go poorly, that the result will be due to the overall effort and not something I can miracle into being in the next couple weeks.

We'll find out soon enough =)